


The Things That Bind Us

by transjohnnygill



Series: Brother John [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Brief mentions of other characters - Freeform, Friendship, Gen, Trans Characters, big brother Johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:31:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7015606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transjohnnygill/pseuds/transjohnnygill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time since Mana, Allen feels like he's finally home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things That Bind Us

**Author's Note:**

> The Trans Allen fic that no one asked for and that I wrote anyway :V

People within the Order were always saying how rare and irreplaceable the exorcists were, singing praises loud and wide for what they did for humanity. Allen, on the other hand, always looked at the unsung heroes of this war—the finders, the members of the science division, and even the supervisory staff like Komui, all of without whom would have made Allen’s job near impossible and even less enjoyable that it was even now. It was these people that Allen felt deserved the recognition, the people that were there voluntarily to fight for what they felt was right, risking their lives in support of the exorcists. And it was that deep-seated respect for these people that made Allen grow close to them. It also pissed Kanda off, which was just an added benefit in his mind.

When he had first arrived at the Order, after nearly being turned into a kabob by Kanda, being subjected to Komui’s medieval torture device, and being caught off guard by Hevlaska, it had completely slipped Allen’s mind that he was going to officially be working for a _Catholic_ organization, and when that realization had finally sunk in, he nearly had a nervous breakdown, reduced to tears in the privacy of his room as he recalled every last sore and negatively-charged comment that his master had ever made about the Order and the church that sponsored it.

He had his binder and packer, and Cross had left him with hormones to get him through at least another month—but then what? What would happen when he used up his last vial, outgrew the already almost-too-tight binder? His master had only procured those things for him in the weeks before he had left him stranded in India, finally giving in to Allen’s insistence that he was sure of his decision and didn’t want to wait any longer, and Allen felt faint at the thought of having to out himself to Komui in order to secure them in the future.

His panic lay bubbling just underneath the surface of his polite and smiling face as he went around meeting everyone, his heart nearly stopping when a mousy-haired man with glasses got up-close-and-personal with him and a tape measure in order to get measurements for his new exorcist’s uniform. It nearly stopped again a few hours later when Allen returned to his bedroom to find said uniform laid out on his bed, complete with _three_ new binders made of some kind of breathable fabric and a hand-written note that simply stated:

“Let me know if you need anything at all!

–Johnny

PS, Welcome home! ('v')”

How the tailor had known was beyond him; he had crumpled the note up in his hand, heart pounding as he ran his fingers over his new clothing. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Allen pulled his shirt and binder off over his head; his hands trembled as he slid the new one on—it fit like a glove; not too tight, but still doing the job, his small breasts completely hidden from every angle. He looked at the wadded-up piece of paper on his bed before putting on the rest of the uniform and setting out from his room.

The science division was a hustle and bustle of activity, the over-caffeinated and sleep-deprived scientists buzzing like bees and working just as hard. Reever was the first to notice him standing there in the doorway, lighting up with a smile and beckoning Allen to come in.

“Hey, lookie here!” Reever turned away and called over his shoulder, “Johnny! Allen’s here!” The tiny man’s head popped out from behind a stack of books that was even taller than he was, the puzzled look on his face turning into a smile that could have lit up a large city with how bright it was at the sight of Allen in his uniform.

“Ahhhh!!!” Johnny scurried over to where Allen stood, Reever excusing himself from the conversation, words flying out of the tailor’s mouth at 100 miles per hour. “How is it? Do you like it okay? Are you happy with the fit? Do you want me to change anything? I can always—”

Allen waved his hands frantically, “No, no! It’s perfect! I just wanted to come and thank you—it fits better than anything else I own, actually.” He hadn’t thought that it would be possible for Johnny’s smile to get bigger, but it did.

“I’m so glad to hear that!” Johnny clapped his hands together, spinning around on the balls of his feet. His smile faded into concern at the sight of Allen’s eyes shifting around the room nervously, noting the way that Allen was wringing his hands. “Huh...? What’s wrong…?”

“I-I mean, nothing’s wrong—I actually wanted to thank you for, ah, the other things… But I was also wondering…how you knew. I…haven’t told anyone.”

Johnny blushed, taken aback, and rubbed the back of his head with a nervous chuckle. “Oh, well…I kinda…felt your binder underneath of your shirt when I was taking measurements for your uniform earlier, and I thought that it felt a little too small—it was indenting too much, you know? And I remember how awful binding was when they didn’t fit right, so I wanted to make sure that you had a couple that fit the right way…”

Allen’s brain stumbled, _He remembers how it was?_ Cue the mental switch. _…Oh._ Johnny had missed out on the new exorcist’s silent realization, still excitedly talking himself in circles.

“…You still probably shouldn’t wear it all day, every day, but you should stay more comfortable if you do end up not being able to take it off for a while.” The scientist took one of Allen’s hands in his and gave it a gentle squeeze, “Your secret’s safe with me, Allen. But you really don’t have to worry about anyone here at Headquarters—the only thing we don’t accept is decaf coffee, haha…I just want you to know that I’m here if you need anything, okay? All you have to do is ask.”

Allen swallowed thickly, fighting against the tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes because of the heartfelt sincerity that this practical stranger was offering him without hesitation. He nodded stiffly in response, not trusting his voice to not crack like glass if he were to speak.

Someone called Johnny’s name out from somewhere in the midst of the towers of books and shelves; with a final smile and squeeze on Allen’s hand, the scientist turned to get back to work just in time for Allen’s brain to catch up with his verbal processing.

“Wait, Mr. Johnny!” The other looked back at him, tilting his head in a way that reminded Allen of a confused puppy. “I—Do you have a doctor here that—or is it Komui—that I could…”

“Oh, yeah, of course!” Johnny laughed, “Sasha’s her name! She’s a nurse—you’ll like her, I think; I can introduce you later, if you’d like!” The older man’s presence was requested again, and he called back to them to let them know that he was coming. “And you can just call me Johnny, Allen; no need to be formal!”

Allen nodded and agreed to meet back up with Johnny before dinner time, his throat tight as he watched the scientist skip off to help his coworkers, humming happily to himself. With each new person that he met that day, every one of them just as kind and earnest as Johnny had said they would be, his heart grew lighter and his mind more peaceful until he could hardly remember why it was that he had been so fearful of these people to begin with.

If home was a place where you were surrounded by people that loved and supported you unconditionally, then Allen knew for sure that this place could be home for him.


End file.
